Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
