Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
