Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
