my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
