One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
