just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your penis caused this!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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