Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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