She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
