Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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