I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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