there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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