That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
