That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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