I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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