Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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