This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
