Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
