I got chris browned last night
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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