I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
