I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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