it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
