I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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