in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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