barbara walters just said penis...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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