i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
