Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
