Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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