he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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