Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
