i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
