I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
