My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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