Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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