I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
