What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
