there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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