the condom got lost in my hair
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
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I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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