Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
