the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
