1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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