whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
