she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
