I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
