every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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