Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
