do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
