You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
