It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
