I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
