ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
