can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
