i think my mom watched the whole time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
