If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
