And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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