Do you still have your period?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
