moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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