Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
