Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
