That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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