I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
