just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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