I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
