cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
