hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
