Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
how does that bad decision feel?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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