Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
