I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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